That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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