Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
