wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
