jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
