Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
