my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
