I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
