I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
