I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
