you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize