I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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