WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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