Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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