i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
