dude i'm inner monologue high
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
