So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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