what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
