I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
