TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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