Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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