It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm passing your future prison.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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