Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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