WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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