I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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