ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
God I need to hump something, right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
