I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize