I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
