dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize