It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I could fuck to npr.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
