He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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