Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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