i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
