found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
