I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
