She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize