so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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