OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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