I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
