Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
