It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
