Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
