You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
