I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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