Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
