Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
