A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
