goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize