trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
