What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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