He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she told me i tasted like america
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
