That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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