I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
