There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
