Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
