I cannot find my penis.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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