I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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