true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
