she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
