so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
