We're like a lot better than the average bears
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
