my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
