I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize