Already got asked if we're dating
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
