I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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