I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
