the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
