6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
