hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
