I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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