His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
