My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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