I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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