So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
