Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
