I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
In America we eat man semen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
