The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
