so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
