The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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