im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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