i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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