I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize