Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
