the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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