This is not my ceiling
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
