Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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