Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
