Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
