I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
