In the future we'll all be gay
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
