I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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