maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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