hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize